make up. tons of oil. and a clean chute

So there are a few traditions for the holiday season in the low countries that need to be discussed.

Olieballen

oliebollen stand at rotterdam centraal station. oilball stands are all over.

richard, my neighborhood oliebol king! click for sweet video. from ad.nl

Literally translated as “oil balls,” these greasy lip smackers give doughnuts a serious run for their 90 cents, euro . Fortunately for the dutch health care system, they are only served seasonally and traditionally eaten only on new years. But that does NOT mean they’re taken lightly (there’s nothing light about these balls). A contest for the best oliebollen is held every year, complete with chemical analysis and ingredient testing of the oil ball. I’m very proud to say that MY neighborhood oliebollen stand won for the whole country! 10 years running. Some contest.

Zwarte Peet

So I’m a little late on the Christmas wagon. But this cannot go unsaid. One saturday morning, after another desperate and failed attempt to administer a piece of paper at city hall, I had to find a broodjeij or something to make up for my empty kitchen. I was happy enough to find the cafe bazar, touristic exhibit A of how the turks color this city, with its endless litany of mediterranean dishes, blaring anatolian beats and jarring colors. I was jolted out of meditation with my pita by the bounce of a different beat – a marching band! Of…black people! I mean, colored people. I mean, people with…black face?! What the @*&%*#?

sinter's little helpers

So this story was all too much fun to hear, and tell (judging by the 14,000 times I heard it), throughout december. I’ll try to be brief: Sinterklass, nee Saint Nicholas, the patron saint of children, was buried in Spain. Everyone tells me he’s not the same as Santa Claus. But he was inspired by the same benevolent saint. Every December 5th he returns to the low countries, miraculously hitting parades in every city. The real one comes to Rotterdam, of course. And gives the good kids kruidnoten (cookies), bad kids sticks or salt or something, and REALLY bad kids he takes…back to Spain! Dude. I’m evil!

the REAL black elvis. not even Kool Keith is THIS dutch

He’s attended by black peters, Zwarte Piet, who apparently represent his 3 nimble chimney sweeps, moorish boys who he rescued from capital punishment for a crime they did not commit. They’re black because of the chimney ash….

piets. marching to an urban beat

The parade and charade of an accepted brand of racism was cut with the typical dutch lunacy of bicycles. 6-piece marching bikes, articulated bikes, two-faced bikes etc… My (sometimes) trusty powershot ran out of batteries at this critical juncture. Not even the blur button could save me.

finally, inner peace. with sinter and piet. in leiden.

This Christmas, Santa stuffs more than your stocking

With sinterklas taking the main stage on December 5th, Santa Claus doesn’t hold a candle to him in the netherlands. No. He holds a butt plug! Sometimes the dutch take their frankness and reputed cultural openness to a whole new level, well beyond appropriate. In this case, it’s manifesting in a crass commentary on Santa’s commercialism? Through “art?” Or something. At least there’s some hot olieballen to the rear, of the picture.

and a merry christmas to you sir!

Another installment in “Dam! they speak english!” A traditional dutch holiday adornment: